Columbus man hit by two bombshells from the steroids era - Indiana Intramural Records are tarnished

it was no surprise yesterday when Mark McGwire finally admitted what we suspected all along - that he was using steroids most of his career...including when he broke the home run record in the summer of 1998.

it was a sad announcement, as it cast a shadow over a great summer for a group of friends from indiana university. it was their sophomore year when that baseball season began. soon after the season started, mcgwire went on a homerun tear, and the talk of shattering the homerun record began. a young sophomore at Indiana named Saad had the foresight to buy a boat load of tickets to the final three games of the season. And off he went to St Louis with his friends - and watched mcgwire hit 5 homeruns (#'s 66-70) in three games.

"It was a magical moment to witness a sports achievement that few ever accomplish. and to share it with some of my best friends and my lover Jessica, who would later become my wife. but this news of steriods takes away from the purity of the moment. "

"you know it just really hurts," Saad continued. "That moment meant so much to me, and now....now....now it was just a tarnished moment in history."

but less than 24 hours after mcgwire's announcement, barely enough time to cope with the news, Saad would be hit with another bombshell. one of his friends who was along with him on that magical summer trip to St. Louis, was also caught up in the steroids era. it was a bombshell that would send ripples all the way back to indiana university.

Apparently Saad's friend Moss was inspired by Mark McGwire's admittance and decided it was time for him, too, to get some guilt off his chest.

In a press release obtained off the AP Wire, Moss says "Back in the steroids era, I went through a phase where my only goal was to put on as much muscle as possible. I mean, other college students used performance enhancing drugs - remeber when Spitzer used Cabbage to attract the female carnies and ask them on dates? Or when Crumley gained 30 pounds by starting every morning with a beer? Same idea, only I used steroids."

Seen in this photo from 1998, moss' was so strong that his forearms grew to be thicker than most people's thighs.

Moss went onto apologize for more than steroids. "You know we used to play this game called 'the pillow.' We had this giant bean bag sized pillow that was really comfortable. And when unsuspecting guests would come over, we would tell them how comfortable it was. And we would ask them if they wanted the pillow. If they said yes...well..."

Moss was too choked up to continue. But in pictures obtained by the Associated Press, there is no need for words.

After getting the guest to say "yes" to wanting the pillow, Moss would then throw the pillow on top of the person and use his superhuman strength to hold them against their will for several minutes while onlookers pointed and laughed. You can see a photo of "the pillow" in action here.

When we showed Moss that photo, he was visibly upset. "It was roid rage. Pure roid rage. I'm sorry to all the people I hurt."

But most hurt were his teammates on the Acacia D-Team Intermural Squad. Indiana University went back to the record books, and changed all the team's wins to forfeits for both basketball

as well as softball

"If I had it to do all over again," said Moss, "I would never have let spitzer inject steriods into my buttocks. I just hope that everyone I let down can somehow forgive me."

Hi

Love, Domo

As it stands now, there is about an 87% chance of us bringing a life size one home with us. We tried to free this one but he was tied down! It's a good thing or he would have run right for the TonKatsu (fried pork) place across the street and terrorized the hell out of them.

my quest for the domo kun chalice

in previous posts, you may have learned of my obsession with domo kun...the little japanese character i first met in tokyo, who runs around getting into all sorts of trouble. not only is he awesome to look at, i really fell in love when i was researching him online and read this:

"Domo-kun is a strange creature that hatched from an egg. His body is stout but his heart is pure. Loves TV. Often causes trouble by daydreaming and not paying attention to things. Domo-kun's favorite food is Japanese-style meat and potato stew, and he has a strong dislike for apples, due to an unexplained mystery in his DNA. Domo-kun is known to pass gas repeatedly when nervous or upset."

he is my hero.

so i knew why the japanese loved him. i just couldn't figure out why he hadn't quite caught on in the US.

and then on my way home from work yesterday, i glanced over at a passing CTA bus and saw this.

now, it's a little blurry, no doubt due to how speedy and nimble our little friend domo kun is. but the sheer shock of seeing him on the side of a bus in chicago made me scream out "OH MY GOD!" in a way that katie almost stopped the car to ask what was wrong. upon finding out that i was freaking out not because of an accident or a health problem, she warned me never to freak out like that when she was driving. she thought i was having a heart attack or something. and i pretty much felt like i was - i mean, i had just spotted my little hero on the side of a bus...IN CHICAGO!

i had to get to the bottom of this...

so i went to 7-11.com and found this.

eeeeeeeep!! he's really here! and i can get a coffee served to me in a cup bearing his likeness! amazing!!

going to bed last night was like going to bed on christmas eve. all i could think about was waking up and getting to 7-11 to see what this promotion is all about.

so the next morning, still trying to wake up, i spurned my daily ritual of going to dunkin donuts and headed instead to 7-11. as i approached the store and saw the ad on the window, i knew something magical was about to happen.

my god! not only does domo serve coffee, he also apparently likes hot dogs! must be something he acquired a taste for during his trip to america. i bet he can't wait to get home and tell his japanese friends about it. they'll have to update his biography on his website.

but it was a little early for a hot dog, so i settled for my cup of joe in the domo cup and headed off to my meeting. fortunately i had some extra time before the meeting started, and domo and i had a nice stroll through the city. i mean, this is his first business trip to the US, so i had to show him the sights.

he was clearly impressed by the trump tower and the wrigley building.

but he was a little confused by the strange signs in our country. for example, this sign would suggest that when crossing the street, some sort of soccer ball or kick ball will magically appear at your feet.

you can barely even see domo kun in this picture crossing the street, so you probably can't see the disappointment in domo's face when he learned that crossing the street bears no such fruit.

domo and i headed off to my all-day meeting at the university of chicago. were having a great time together, until they sent us on a 15 minute break during our meeting. i went to the bathroom and returned to find that the meeting staff at the university of chicago had gone around the room during the break and threw away the trash...including my little friend domo. either that or they wanted him for their own. probably the latter.

looks like i'll have to get up early and make another trip to 7-11. who knew that each and every day will bring a new adventure with an old friend? at least until the promotion ends. so i guess this is proof that marketing really works. at least on dorks like me.

Nervous? Yes. First time? No, I've been nervous lots of times...

You're probably wondering 2 things right now:

1. Why the quote from the movie Airplane?

2. Where are the photos from the moss/nazzaro wedding?


Let me answer #2 first - waiting on photos from benny and rebecca. They took about 200 photos that night.

Now for #1...why am I nervous? Couple reasons. First is this:

I showed up at hertz in houston today to find they didn't have the car I reserved. After our initial heated argument turned into a polite and cordial back and forth, the woman rewarded me with this yellow rocket.

I'm not kidding when I say rocket. The lady hand me the keys and says "now try not to get a speeding ticket." Despite her warning, I floor the sonofabitch every chance I get. Which results in me flying back into my seat for five seconds before hitting 80 and realizing I should probably lay off the gas...and then realizing my heart is beating 150 beats per second. I would never buy one of these cars. You're always looking for chances to punch the gas...then realizing that you're going 80 when it feels like 60...and then nervously looking around for cops. But MAN is it an experience. It is hard to fathom how powerful those beasts are until yo u drive one. And I'm not even really testing it. You can't floor it for more than 5 seconds or you'll be going 100mph. Unreal.


So, why else am I nervous? Well, it's:

Game 1
Cardinals vs. Dodgers
Our ace is on the mound

And I get to watch it from the comfort of my couch at the lovely four points sheraton in houston. Woo hoo!

So I do what I think any self respecting baseball fan and beer snob would do when on the road:

Get a nice 22oz bottle of some really hoppy beer (only choice tonight was arrogant bastard) and give it a bath in the hotel room ice bucket.

And order spicy thai takeout.

And bear down for three hours of white knuckle playoff baseball watching.


So if the night goes well I'll be toasting a hoppy beer to a cardinals win and a trip to the airport tomorrow with no speeding tickets.

Wish me luck.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Scrubbies

I still have to post pics from the king moss/queen moss nuptials. But I'm at britt's bachelor party in STL right now. So maybe this will distract you until I can find time to post.

Best part of the story? I ask this large man if I can take a picture of his t-shirt to send to my friends back in chicago. His response? "This isn't even my shirt, it's my wife's.". Thank god he was wearing it. That's gottta be a lotta woman.

Safe travels, y'all.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

thinking of you...

Aaarrrrrgggg Austin

So I'm down in Austin for work. My first trip to the wierd wierd city of austin. Awesomely wierd.

Met up with sheikh for some texas bbq - highly recommended. The pork ribs were unlike anything I've ever eaten in my life. I am already counting the hours until my next meal.

Then we went to waterloo for some record shopping. Odd, seeing as how I don't own a record player. But I picked up a my morning jacket EP for Benny...the least I can do for uncountable amounts of music he's burned me over the years.

We had hoped to go shopping for some boots...but the cheap boots store was closed. Katie was excited when she heard we were going looking for boots, and told sheikh to make sure I bought some boots with 3 inch heels so that she can actually wear her high heels and not tower over me. Cute. Maybe on my next trip, sweetie.

Then sheikh nasty took me to the UT campus to soak in the sights and be reminded how old we are. It was strange to glance in the library and see maybe 50 students...every single one of them with a laptop. My how times have changed.

Good times. Highly recommend Austin. We'll have to make a trip next year to SXSW or ACL.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Annual Baseball Trip hits MIlwaukee

The annual baseball trip, a weekend of debauchery, baseball and beer, turned into 4 dudes driving from Milwaukee from Chicago on a Saturday night. And as the honorable Mr. Anderson would say, “All the rest of you suckas missed out.” It would not be a trip to Wisconsin without a trip to Culvers. Not the healthiest of joints, in fact, if the Federal Government banned all of the Culvers(Home of the Carmel Fudge Cookie Dough Chicken Salad), I think that it would solve 99% of this countries health care problems. That and socialism of course, socialism solves everything.

Enough with the politics, back on the road we pull into Milwaukee and are greeted with not so open arms. Apparently the town of Milwaukee did not get the memo, that only 4 of us would be attending. The city was on lockdown, even the chairs were bolted down.

To ease into the day, we celebrated Milwaukee Irish Fest with several rounds at a pub. We quickly became the local favorites and Milwaukee’s mayor, personally drove the family station wagon over to meet us. Benny was very impressed, he stated "Wisconsin is myfavorite state, with Michigan being a close second. "

Without further delay, off to the ballpark for some Brats, Polish, and Leinenkugel. The park was wide open with fantastic views. We were able to make some friends and no one was escorted off of the premises this year.

And then who needs Neil Diamond in Vegas, when you can go to the Potawatomi Bingo Casino and meet Mr. Awesome. The Bears just traded for him at Wide Receiver.

Next year, baseball weekend is in a little piece of Heavan, we call Pittsburgh, PA. Home of the 6 time Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers & Iron City. Hope yins can make it. Simac, no excuses.

my my it has been a while. i'm @ a westin in dallas and bored to death watching this tampa bay vs. miami NFL game, so i thought i'd cruise the internet. and so i went to one of my favorite websites...someecards.com.

if you haven't been there, you need to go immediately. hilarious. it's these incredibly random e-cards you can send to people. i came across this little ecard and it inspired me to post.


NOT. bwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now just to be clear, i have nothing against kids. nothing at all. i love 'em. they're adorable. they're hilarious. but when i saw this card, it made me step back and think...man, there are little kids popping up EVERYWHERE these days.

so rewind to a week ago. on sunday. i was coming home from the baseball weekend. our annual boys weekend where we pick a new baseball stadium we've never been to and make a weekend out of it. baseball weekend 2009 was milwaukee. and we had a blast. it was me, jones, benny, and jt. two of which have babies...although fortunately they left them at home. (by the way, i'm waiting on pictures from jones and am hoping he will post or send them to me so i can post). anyhoo...on the way home, jones says "you know saad is in chicago for the baptism of of his sister meredith's baby. are you going to dinner with them?"

"dinner with them" i replied? I had not heard about said dinner.

"oh yeah, we're all going to dinner. i'm sure you were invited. we're meeting at 5 at ranalli's" responds jones.

lord knows that emails have been known to disappear in my inbox, so i chalked it up to my lack of inbox-grooming and i said i'd be there.

i had no idea what i was walking into. and quickly realized that maybe it had nothing to do with my lack of inbox hygene. maybe i wasn't invited. now, why would I think that, you ask?

oh...well...maybe it was because THERE WERE BABIES EVERYWHERE!! saad's baby. gorski's baby. winter's baby. minnig's baby. jones' baby. even mrs. pederson was there with a bun in the oven! my god i was the only non-breeder at the table!

if i would have known it was a baby party, i would have at least brought a baby doll. or maybe beebob. i realize i don't have to change her diaper but i feed her every day. granted it's not from my man boobs but still i feed her!

all of a sudden there's talk about baby bjorns. and strollers. and diapers. and crawling. and teething. and burping. and formula. and breast pumps. and OH MY GOD I HAVE NOTHING TO TALK TO THESE PEOPLE ABOUT!!

even worse...in case you forgot...pregnancy is contagious. my god i hope i didn't catch it. guaranteed i caught it. i was surrounded by babies!!!!

and i'm being a little dramatic for effect. i love babies. had a wonderful time. and i am totally kidding about not being invited. but when i was cruising someecards.com for my daily fix of laughter i saw that postcard above and it was the perfect catalyst for a post.

well...i hope everything is well with all of you. and your babies. i'll see you on the flip side.

Old friends, good times in DC

So I'm in DC for a few days. Nice to be back in the old stomping grounds and even nicer to spend that time with old friends. Justin and Mo met me out for dinner and drinks both nights. We got to catch up and re-hash old stories.

Here's a pic of the two, with Mo giving us her "I'm having a good time" look and Justin showing off his "I'm a badass muthafucka" vibe.

At one point in the night, we got to talking about dogs, and Justin asked me to tell Mo the story of how we went to the pound and how we came to the decision that Billy Ray was our pooch. And after telling the story, I realized that I don't think we have ever told that story on the blog. Lord knows it's been told many a time, so you may have heard this story before. For those of you who haven't...enjoy. For those who know this story all too well, enjoy your trip down memory lane.

So it was sometime around September 1999. The 8 of us had just settled into our senior year and into our new digs at 320 S. Grant St. And after much debate over whether we should get a dog or a potbellied pig, and then subsequent debates about whether we should name it Lieutenant Hamms, Shits, et al (if you remember the other names we were considering, please add them to the comments as either my old age or the several beers I have consumed over the past 2 hours are dulling my memory right now), we finally settled it by a vote - it would be a dog to be named Billy Ray Valentine. And for the record, we were only two votes shy of owning a potbellied pig.

Anyway, majority ruled and a dog it was to be. So Moss, Hicks, and I went to the Bloomington Animal Shelter to find our 9th roomate. And I remember walking into the shelter through a door and into a walkway with two stories of crates stacked on each side. We strolled down the walkway, and I remember stopping at the cage of a good looking little pup who would soon become Billy Ray Valentine. But we didn't know it at that point in time. We still had a lot of other dogs to consider. So we continued down the aisle, inspecting every dog along the way until we reached the end of the line.

As we turned back to take a second pass, we see a stream of liquid emerging from one of the cages.

"What in the hell is that," one of us asked?

"Oh that," said the woman showing us around? "Here, let me show you."

So she walks us to the cage, and as we get closer we see a dog standing on his hind legs, his two front legs up against the side of the cage, pissing into the walkway in which we were standing.

"What the hell is he doing," one of us asked?

"Well he doesn't like to urinate in the place where he lives, so he stands up and urinates outside of his cage. Amazing," she replies.

After exchanging glances of pure astonishment, we all replied in unison - "We'll take him."

And so it was. The beginning of a magical ten years. We never gave that little man full credit for how smart he was. And you can't put all the blame for that on us...afterall, the sonofabitch used to chase rocks for christ's sake. It took him almost 8 years to learn how to fetch! But that story about him pissing outside of his cage definitely explains why he once climbed out a second story window at 320 S. Grant and took a crap on the roof. If you haven't heard that story, let me know in the comments and I will post that one next. Regardless of how much (or how little) credit we gave him, old Bill definitely lived a life deserving of his intellect.

Hope you enjoyed reading that oldie but goodie as much as I enjoyed telling it to a couple of old friends.

Safe travels dudes.


Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile